No, I won’t tweet your ad

TV adverts are getting worse thanks to social media. It’s not social media’s fault, Twitter and Facebook just highlight how eager people are to discuss and associate themselves with brands. Before you’d just hear about an advert at school.
‘Hey, have you seen that advert where those guys shout at each other through a phone?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Funny, isn’t it?’
‘It’s OK.’
‘They’re meant to be ordering food but instead they dick around with their friends. It’s hilarious.’
‘It’s OK.’
Now everything on TV has a hashtag on it. I avoid Twitter whenever a big ad campaign comes out. It’s usually from a brand who could live off word-of-mouth for at least a hundred more years. It doesn’t need anymore adverts. Yet there’s the hashtags. #talkaboutus. #telltheworldhowgreatweare.
I’d rather they just tell us to print out their logo and stick it on a wall of your choice. Graffiti it over with a ‘You suck’ if you want, create a bit of controversy for us. So I avoid Twitter because I’d rather not know how many people are actively dissecting these shallow, boastful one-minute clips from often child-whipping brands, or buying tattoos professing their eternal love for a product in the hopes of winning a free cup.
‘We want to see photos of you enjoying our product.’ Give me £3,000 and I’ll post a pic of it wedged up my ass.
Recently there’s been this trend where every Christmas each of the big UK supermarkets have a competition: who can create the most discussed advert? It’s hidden behind the idea of art and emotion. Marks and Spencer’s is aiming to move the masses into changing their actions for the better, so long as you remember that it was Marks & Spencer’s who gave you the idea in the first place. Here’s a lonely old man. Isn’t that sad? Boo-hoo. NOW BUY SOMETHING FOR HIM, IT’S THE ONLY WAY FORWARD.
I have never cried over an advert and probably never will. No matter how intimate the story, no matter how much thought and craftsmanship has been invested into the camera shots and whatnot, you’re never going to disguise the fact that this video exists to attract consumers to a big building. The only adverts that have come close to affecting me are charity ads, just because it makes sense that they’d be pointing out world issues. I fear that in fifty years time we’ll be relying solely on adverts for moral guidance. B&Q believes that if everyone owned a quality drill there’d be world peace: tweet and help change the world.

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