Donald Trump, King of Zombies

Zombie movies have never really scared me, and I don’t know why. Because the idea of masses of braindead corpses taking over the world is terrifying. Well, America has finally made a zombie film that stirs up my fears. The zombies are a mixture of racist rednecks and destructive hipsters and they get together to vote the King of Zombies into presidency and then he starts forcing all the non-zombies into cages ready for consumption. When everyone is either zombie or pretend zombie, he reveals that he isn’t really King of Zombies. In fact, he doesn’t care about zombies in general, he just manipulated their small brains to obtain power and with that power he has one mission – ensure he’s never criticised again.

I don’t know. Is this really for real, America? I’m not angry, I’m just disappointed. It’s ashame, isn’t it? In my opinion, everyone’s first priority in ‘free’ countries past basic survival should lie in protecting their right to free speech. As soon as Trump even hinted that he’d sue whoever criticises him, that should’ve spelt Game Over in voters’ eyes. Even the poorest, least educated, dirty-vest-wearing American should know and be passionate about the importance of being able to say what you want to or about anyone you want.

Disagree? Then write a rebuttal, slag me off in a public place. Why? Because you can. Because you won’t and shouldn’t ever be jailed or sued for expressing an opinion. Knowing that there are still communist countries around is inexplicably surreal. I try so hard to enjoy documentaries set in China or North Korea but it’s hard to forget the fear these people must experience daily, and then they – the actual thinkers – have to maintain this falseness, pretend nothing is wrong, and you can almost see it in their eyes how much it hurts, letting their real opinions build and buldge and seize-up inside them.

America, I find you weird sometimes. You probably whoop whenever you go poo-poo before accidentally shooting one of your children on the way out. But I have faith in you. I’m still able to enjoy Trump by pretending he’s the star of a masterful comedy show that parodies and condemns a corrupt political system. And it’s funny sometimes, watching him. This Trump guy is kind of like Peter Griffin, fun to watch but you wouldn’t want to meet him if he was real. Except Trump is real, and he hates free speech, and he wants to simultaneously build and destruct houses because he can’t stick to a single strategy, and best of all there are people cheering him on. If everyone hates a hypocrite, everyone should loathe Trump. They should also dislike Hilary.

America faces such a tough choice in electing their next president! You can either have a slap in the balls or a nice relaxing massage, what’s it going to be? The boring yet sane man or a sick destructive joke. I believe in you America.


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